620 Very Funny Jokes That’ll Make You Laugh Out Loud

Get ready to laugh until your sides hurt—this collection is packed with punchlines that actually land. From clever quips to classic setups with a twist, these jokes are all about delivering big laughs with a light touch.

If you’ve been searching for very funny jokes that are guaranteed to lift your mood, you’ve found the jackpot. Let’s dive in and keep the good times rolling!

Very Funny Jokes to Tell Your Friends and Make Their Day

These are the jokes your friends will actually want to hear again. Text them, say them out loud, or drop one into your group chat.

– I told my friend she drew her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.

– I tried to start a professional hide-and-seek team… but good players are hard to find.

– I spilled my yoga class water bottle—talk about losing my inner piece.

– I’m not saying you’re old, but your first selfie was probably a cave painting.

– I wrote a song about tortillas—actually, it’s more of a wrap.

– My friend’s bakery caught fire. Now his buns are toast.

– I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know y.

– She broke up with me over my obsession with pasta. I’m feeling penne-less.

– I told a time traveler joke—he didn’t like it. Yet.

– Don’t trust atoms. They make up everything.

– I made a pun about elevators. It’s an uplifting experience.

– My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.

– I invented a new word: plagiarism.

– I’m friends with all electricians. We just click.

– I asked the librarian if they had books on paranoia. She whispered, “They’re right behind you.”

– The guy who invented autocorrect should go to hello.

– I dreamed I was a muffler. I woke up exhausted.

– My calendar factory job fired me for taking a day off.

– I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.

– You know what’s odd? Every other number.

– Parallel lines have so much in common… it’s a shame they’ll never meet.

– Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.

– I told my suitcase we wouldn’t be going on vacation. Now I’m dealing with the baggage.

– I’m only familiar with 25 letters in the alphabet. I don’t know Y.

– I didn’t want to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a traffic cop, but when I got home all the signs were there.

– If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?

– I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.

– I asked my dog what’s two minus two. He said nothing.

– Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? He woke up.

– I tried to write a pun about fencing but couldn’t find the point.

– I once got into a fight with a broken elevator—it had too many ups and downs.

– I went to buy some camouflage pants but couldn’t find any.

– I’m terrified of speed bumps, but I’m slowly getting over it.

– My friend used to be a baker, but he couldn’t make enough dough.

– I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high—she looked surprised.

– I have a joke about construction, but I’m still working on it.

– I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.

– I once dated a girl who was a tennis player, but love meant nothing to her.

– I hate Russian dolls… they’re so full of themselves.

– I gave up my seat to an old lady on the bus. That’s how I lost my job as a driver.

– My math teacher called me average—how mean!

– Someone stole my mood ring—I don’t know how I feel about that.

– I started a band called 999MB… we haven’t gotten a gig yet.

– I told my friend to embrace her mistakes—so she hugged me.

– I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you guys didn’t like it.

– I asked my wife if I’m the only one she’s been with. She said, “Yes, the others were at least sevens or eights.”

– I named my dog “Five Miles” so I can say I walk five miles every day.

– I’m so good at sleeping I can do it with my eyes closed.

– I accidentally swallowed food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.

– I broke my finger last week. On the other hand, I’m okay.

Funny Jokes for Adults That Hit Just Right

A little sharper, a little sassier—these are grown-up jokes made for cocktail convos, casual hangs, and group texts with your besties.

– I asked my wife if I was the only one she’d ever been with. She said, “Yes—everyone else was way more interesting.”

– My therapist says I have issues with closure… but I don’t really want to talk about it.

– I like long walks—especially when they’re taken by people who annoy me.

– My cooking is so bad, even the smoke alarm files for divorce.

– I bought a mood ring. It turns green when I’m happy, and red when my spouse talks.

– I told my wife she was acting childish. So she ran away, slammed the door, and said, “I’m telling Mom!”

– I tried yoga once. I pulled something—I think it was my will to live.

– They say love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

– I finally got my husband to listen. It took the Wi-Fi going down.

– I told my date I liked her perfume. She said, “That’s my pepper spray.”

– I think I finally understand what “mixed signals” means. She said, “Leave me alone,” but in a romantic font.

– My boss asked me to start the presentation with a joke. I showed him my paycheck.

– I went to a support group for people addicted to brake fluid. I told them I could stop anytime.

– My neighbors love my singing. They even threw a brick through my window to hear it better.

– Relationships are just two people asking each other “what do you want to eat” until one of them dies.

– I wanted to grow my own food, but I couldn’t find bacon seeds.

– I opened a bakery that only sells stale bread. It’s called Loaf and Let Die.

– My spouse and I were happy for twenty years… then we met.

– The secret to a lasting marriage? Lower expectations.

– I told my girlfriend she was drawing her eyeliner too high—she looked shocked.

– My ex ran off with my best friend. I miss him sometimes.

– I drink coffee for your protection.

Very Funny Jokes in English Everyone Can Understand

No cultural references, no complex setups—just universally funny jokes that anyone can chuckle at.

– I asked my plant if it was thirsty. It said, “I’m rooting for water.”

– Why did the computer go to therapy? It had too many tabs open.

– I wanted to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.

– What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.

– I used to be a banker, but I lost interest.

– What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.

– The pencil broke up with the eraser. It couldn’t handle the rub.

– I once swallowed a dictionary. It gave me thesaurus throat.

– I told my mirror I didn’t like its attitude. It said, “Reflect on that.”

– Want to hear a construction joke? I’m still building it.

– I tried writing with a broken pencil. It was pointless.

– The bakery caught fire. Bread went up in flames.

– I lost my job at the orange juice factory—couldn’t concentrate.

– I had a joke about pizza, but it’s a little cheesy.

– Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

– I once got locked in a grocery store. It was a jam-packed situation.

– The door hinge and the screw had an argument. It was unhinged.

– Don’t trust calendars—they’re days numbered.

– What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.

– The faucet proposed to the sink. It was a tap-dancing romance.

– I joined a mime club. We don’t talk about it.

– I used to play triangle in a reggae band. It was one love per ding.

– I’m afraid of speed bumps, but I’m slowly getting over it.

Very Funny One Liner Jokes That Land Instantly

Need quick laughs? These one-liners hit fast, punch hard, and leave smiles behind.

– I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.

– I’d tell a chemistry joke, but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.

– I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.

– I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.

– My friend’s bakery burned down. Now his business is toast.

– I invented a new word—plagiarism.

– I started a band called 999MB. We haven’t got a gig yet.

– My math teacher called me average. How mean!

– I once dated a tennis player—love meant nothing to her.

– I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.

– I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

– I told my suitcase there’d be no vacation this year. Now I’m dealing with the baggage.

– I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

– I got hit in the head with a can of soda. Luckily, it was a soft drink.

– The man who invented Lifesavers made a mint.

– My dog can do magic. He’s a Labracadabrador.

– I used to be a Velcro salesman—couldn’t handle the rejection.

– I tried to catch fog yesterday. I mist.

– I lost my mood ring. Now I don’t know how I feel.

– I bought a belt made of watches. It was a waste of time.

– Claustrophobic people are more down to earth.

– My printer’s name is Bob Marley. It always be jammin’.

– I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.

10 Funniest Jokes That Always Get a Laugh

These are the certified crowd-pleasers. Tested, approved, and ready to unleash.

– I was addicted to hokey pokey… but I turned myself around.

– Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space.

– Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.

– What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!

– I’m terrified of elevators, so I’m taking steps to avoid them.

– I told my dog a joke. He said it was ruff.

– Parallel lines have so much in common… it’s a shame they’ll never meet.

– I didn’t want to believe my dad was stealing from his job, but the signs were everywhere.

– I asked my dog what’s two minus two. He said nothing.

– My calendar has too many problems. It’s days are numbered.

– I once tried to organize a hide-and-seek contest, but good players are hard to find.

– I ate a clock once. It was time-consuming.

– What’s the difference between a good joke and a bad one? Timing.

– I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop freezing.

– My friend’s bakery caught fire. The whole town smelled delicious.

– Want to hear a roof joke? Never mind—it’s over your head.

– My dog stepped on a bee. He yelled, “Ouch! That stings!”

– I asked the librarian if the library had books on paranoia. She whispered, “They’re right behind you.”

– I bought a pair of camouflage pants, but I couldn’t find them.

– I once had amnesia—or at least I think I did.

– I’m great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

– I broke my arm in two places. The doctor said, “Then stop going to those places.”

– My jokes are like my Wi-Fi—sometimes they don’t connect.

100 Funny Jokes to Tell Your Friends (And Sound Hilarious)

Okay, you want to be the funny one in the friend group? Drop any of these, and they’ll be begging for more.

– I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know which comes first.

– My imaginary friend says I have problems.

– I asked my phone if I was boring. It started a firmware update.

– I tried to start a band called Blanket Fort. We only played soft rock.

– The shovel was a ground-breaking invention.

– I made a pun about wind… but it blew.

– My dog has no nose. How does he smell? Awful.

– I used to be indecisive… now I’m not so sure.

– I once swallowed a dictionary. Now I’m wordy.

– I named my horse Mayo… and sometimes, Mayo neighs.

– I used to be afraid of hurdles, but I got over it.

– I met a guy who’s a blacksmith. I asked if he liked his job. He said, “It has its ups and downs.”

– My shoes weren’t tight. They just needed some sole searching.

– I once knew a baker who couldn’t stop telling dough jokes. He was on a roll.

– I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn’t cut it.

– I had a dream I was a muffler. I woke up exhausted.

– My keyboard isn’t working—it’s got no control.

– I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

– I lost my cat’s GPS collar. Now he’s paw-sibly missing.

– My job is secure. No one else wants it.

– I told my boss I needed a raise. He said, “Take a ladder.”

– I asked the waiter, “Do you have frog legs?” He said, “No, I walk like this.”

– If money doesn’t grow on trees, why do banks have branches?

– I tried to make a belt out of watches. It was a waste of time.

– My house is haunted. Every time I do laundry, my socks vanish.

– I called my dog “Five Miles” so I can say I walk Five Miles every day.

– I once got a job as a professional sleeper. It was a dream come true.

– My mirror and I are on reflective terms.

– I gave up jogging for health reasons. My thighs issued a formal complaint.

– I started reading a book about mazes—now I’m lost in the plot.

– I joined a band called Duvet. We’re a cover band.

– I wanted to be an astronaut, but I needed more space.

– My boss said I should dress for the job I want, so I came in as Batman.

– I opened a bakery on the moon. Great food, no atmosphere.

– My friends say I have commitment issues. I said, “Maybe… we’ll see.”

– I’m not lazy, I just rest before I get tired.

– I tried to learn how to juggle, but I just couldn’t keep it together.

– I once mistook super glue for lip balm. I’m still not speaking to anyone.

– I named my Wi-Fi “FBI Surveillance Van.” No one’s tried to hack it since.

– I told my GPS I wanted to go somewhere fun—it drove me to work.

– I thought about going on a diet, but I have too much on my plate.

– I broke my phone by dropping it in my cereal. It was a real crunch call.

– I used to hate facial hair… but then it grew on me.

– I tried to eat a clock again. Still time-consuming.

– My plants are turning against me—they formed a leaf union.

– I got a universal remote. Now I can control the universe.

– I told my friends I was cold, so they gave me a blank stare.

– I walked into a bar… and said “Ouch.”

– I tried writing a novel about birds. It never took flight.

– I bought a thesaurus, but all the pages were blank.

– I joined a debate club and argued with a mirror.

– My credit score is so low, it lives in the basement.

– My air fryer thinks it’s better than me. It’s got a crisp attitude.

– I named my cat “Wi-Fi” because she disconnects randomly.

– I applied to be a scarecrow—turns out I was outstanding in my field.

– I once dated a baker. Things got flaky fast.

– I always carry a ladder. In case things go up.

– I told my friend 10 puns hoping one would land. No pun in ten did.

– I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

– I found a spider in my shoe. He seemed sole-ful.

– I bought a doorbell that plays jazz. It’s a real ring-a-ding-ding.

– My boss asked for a joke. I gave him my resumé.

– I named my dog “Wi-Fi” because we have a connection.

– I asked the coffee if it wanted cream. It said it was already grounded.

– My dog is so lazy, he chases parked cars.

– I tried to name my band “1023MB” but we still don’t have a gig.

– I wore camouflage to my surprise party. No one saw me coming.

– I got a reversible jacket for Christmas. I can’t wait to see how it turns out.

– I asked my friend how he makes holy water. He said, “Boil the hell out of it.”

– I sent a joke to my group chat. Still waiting for laughs.

– I tried gardening, but I can’t find my thyme.

– My calendar is booked. Literally—someone doodled all over it.

– I went to a seafood disco. Pulled a mussel.

– I told my jokes at the zoo. Only the monkeys laughed.

– I tried cooking spaghetti in the washing machine. It’s a laundry pasta.

– My friend’s bakery is hiring. The pay isn’t great, but there’s lots of kneaded support.

– I put my money where my mouth is. Now my dentist is confused.

– I’m allergic to meetings. I break out in excuses.

– My dog chewed up my planner. Now I have no plans.

– I started a business making stairs. It’s an up-and-coming operation.

– I asked for a raise. My boss said the only thing rising is inflation.

– I opened a restaurant on the beach. It’s called Sand-wiches.

– My vacuum and I had a fight. It sucks.

– I tried learning origami, but I folded under pressure.

– I invented a blanket that doubles as a Wi-Fi booster—it’s a comfort zone.

– I bought a refrigerator that tells jokes. It’s pretty cool.

– My password is the last 8 digits of pi. Good luck hacking that.

– I burned 2,000 calories today. Left the pizza in the oven.

– I walked into a bar with a slab of asphalt. I said, “A drink for me and one for the road.”

– I asked my friend if she was cold. She said, “No, I’m just not warming up to you.”

– I got a pet chameleon. He refuses to blend in.

– I bought a singing microwave. It performs pop tarts.

– My gym has a donut shop inside. Talk about mixed signals.

– I invented a doorbell app for introverts. It just texts “go away”.

– I bought a treadmill and named it “Regret.” Now I avoid it.

– My cat writes poetry. He’s a paws-itively creative soul.

– My toaster and I are on the same wavelength.

– I once failed an interview because I said “I excel at sitting quietly.”

– I asked my cereal if it wanted milk. It said, “Pour it on me.”

– I started wearing earplugs at work. The silence is golden.

– I adopted a squirrel. Now my life is completely nuts.

Very Funny Jokes in English With Answers to Share Anywhere

These classic Q&A-style jokes are clean, clever, and perfect for texting, social posts, or making your friends laugh out loud—anytime, anywhere!

– Q: Why did the scarecrow win an award?
 A: Because he was outstanding in his field.

– Q: Why don’t eggs tell jokes?
 A: They’d crack each other up.

– Q: What do you call fake spaghetti?
 A: An impasta.

– Q: Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
 A: They don’t have the guts.

– Q: What’s brown and sticky?
 A: A stick.

– Q: Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?
 A: Because she’ll let it go.

– Q: What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
 A: A carrot.

– Q: Why do cows wear bells?
 A: Because their horns don’t work.

– Q: Why did the bicycle fall over?
 A: It was two-tired.

– Q: How do you make holy water?
 A: You boil the hell out of it.

– Q: Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
 A: In case he got a hole in one.

– Q: How do you organize a space party?
 A: You planet.

– Q: What did one wall say to the other?
 A: “I’ll meet you at the corner.”

– Q: Why are ghosts bad at lying?
 A: Because they’re too transparent.

– Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth?
 A: A gummy bear.

– Q: What did the zero say to the eight?
 A: “Nice belt!”

– Q: What do you call a lazy kangaroo?
 A: A pouch potato.

– Q: How do you make a tissue dance?
 A: Put a little boogie in it.

– Q: Why did the math book look sad?
 A: It had too many problems.

– Q: Why did the tomato blush?
 A: Because it saw the salad dressing.

– Q: Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
 A: Because they make up everything.

– Q: What did the ocean say to the beach?
 A: Nothing—it just waved.

– Q: Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
 A: It was feeling crummy.

10 Funniest Jokes for Adults With a Twist

These aren’t your average punchlines—each joke has a little twist, a clever ending, or a sneaky surprise that’ll catch you off guard in the best way.

– My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.

– I thought I won an argument with my wife… then I remembered she’s the one who controls the thermostat.

– I told my friend I was going to start investing in stocks. Chicken, beef, and vegetable—one day I’ll be a bouillonaire.

– I tried to organize a professional hide-and-seek team… but good players are still in hiding.

– I thought I saw my ex in town today… turns out it was just a bad decision in a new outfit.

– I told my boss three companies were after me—FedEx, UPS, and Amazon. He asked why. I said, “Because I’m out for delivery.”

– I joined a gym, but they haven’t seen me in weeks. I’m just trying to build mystery muscles.

– I told my therapist I have trust issues. She said, “Are you sure?”

– My girlfriend wanted something shiny for her birthday… so I bought her a mirror.

– I asked my wife what she wanted for dinner. She said “nothing,” so I made nothing—and somehow I’m still the bad guy.

Very Funny One Liner Jokes to Keep It Short and Sharp

Sometimes, all it takes is one brilliant line to steal the show. These zingers are quick, clever, and laugh-out-loud worthy.

– I’m not arguing—I’m just explaining why I’m right.

– My wallet is like an onion—opening it makes me cry.

– I used to be indecisive… now I’m not sure.

– I told my cat I was broke. He still demanded rent.

– I poured root beer into a square cup—now I just have beer.

– I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.

– I took a nap and woke up three missed calls wiser.

– The fridge and I are no longer speaking. It gave me the cold shoulder.

– I once ate a dictionary. It gave me the thesaurus throat.

– My brain has too many tabs open.

– I dream of a world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned.

– My memory is so bad, I could plan my own surprise party.

– I saw a kidnapping today. Then I let him nap.

– I’m not clumsy. The floor just hates me.

– I have a step ladder because my real ladder left when I was young.

– I know they say money talks, but mine just waves goodbye.

– I got a second monitor to feel more important.

– I only run when I’m being chased.

– I speak fluent sarcasm, but it’s often lost in translation.

– I once took a self-defense class. Now I just avoid people.

– I used to be a people person… but people ruined it.

– I downloaded a map app that tells me how lost I am emotionally.

– I clean faster when I’m angry.

Hilarious Q&A Very Funny Jokes That Keep ‘Em Guessing

These classic question-and-answer jokes are built to surprise! Get ready for clever twists and punchlines that come out of nowhere.

– Q: Why did the coffee file a police report?
 A: It got mugged.

– Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest?
 A: An investigator.

– Q: Why don’t some couples go to the gym?
 A: Because some relationships don’t work out.

– Q: Why did the man run around his bed?
 A: He was trying to catch up on his sleep.

– Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman and a dog?
 A: Frostbite.

– Q: How do cows stay up to date?
 A: They read the moos-paper.

– Q: Why did the golfer bring an extra shirt?
 A: In case he got a hole in one.

– Q: What’s a skeleton’s least favorite room?
 A: The living room.

– Q: What do you call a sleeping bull?
 A: A bulldozer.

– Q: Why did the banana go to the doctor?
 A: It wasn’t peeling well.

– Q: What did the big flower say to the little flower?
 A: “Hey bud!”

– Q: Why did the cookie cry?
 A: Because its mom was a wafer so long.

– Q: What do you call a fish without eyes?
 A: Fsh.

– Q: How do you catch a squirrel?
 A: Climb a tree and act like a nut.

– Q: Why did the music teacher go to jail?
 A: Because she got caught with too many notes.

– Q: Why did the student eat his homework?
 A: Because his teacher told him it was a piece of cake.

– Q: What has ears but cannot hear?
 A: A cornfield.

– Q: Why did the stadium get so hot?
 A: All the fans left.

– Q: What did one plate say to the other?
 A: Lunch is on me.

– Q: What kind of tree fits in your hand?
 A: A palm tree.

– Q: What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman?
 A: Frostbite.

– Q: Why did the man put his money in the blender?
 A: He wanted to make some liquid assets.

– Q: What did the judge say to the dentist?
 A: “Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth?”

Best Dad Very Funny Jokes for Classic Laughs

These groan-worthy gems are exactly what you’d expect from dad humor: pun-packed, harmlessly cheesy, and always ready to strike at dinner.

– I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know Y.

– Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

– I used to hate facial hair… but then it grew on me.

– Want to hear a joke about construction? I’m still working on it.

– I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.

– I don’t trust stairs—they’re always up to something.

– I was going to tell you a time-travel joke, but you didn’t like it.

– Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.

– I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.

– Why did the math book look sad? It had too many problems.

– How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.

– I ordered a chicken and an egg online. I’ll let you know which comes first.

– What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta.

– What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.

– I got hit in the head with a can of soda. Luckily, it was a soft drink.

– I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for the kicks.

– My wife said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.

– Want to hear a roof joke? Never mind—it’s over your head.

– Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.

– I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.

– Why did the coffee go to therapy? It had trouble espresso-ing itself.

– I wanted to be a chef, but I couldn’t cut it.

– I used to be a banker, but I lost interest.

Silly Knock-Knock Very Funny Jokes for Any Crowd

These knock-knock jokes are goofy, giggle-worthy, and perfect for kids, adults, and anyone who appreciates a good door pun.

– Knock knock.
 Who’s there?
 Olive.
 Olive who?
 Olive you and I miss you!

– Knock knock.
 Who’s there?
 Lettuce.
 Lettuce who?
 Lettuce in, it’s cold out here!

– Knock knock.
 Who’s there?
 Boo.
 Boo who?
 Aw, don’t cry—it’s just a joke!

– Knock knock.
 Who’s there?
 Harry.
 Harry who?
 Harry up and answer the door!

– Knock knock.
 Who’s there?
 Cow says.
 Cow says who?
 No silly, cow says moooo!

– Knock knock.
 Who’s there?
 Atch.
 Atch who?
 Bless you!

– Knock knock.
 Who’s there?
 Ya.
 Ya who?
 Calm down, it’s just a joke—not a party.

– Knock knock.
 Who’s there?
 Tank.
 Tank who?
 You’re welcome!

– Knock knock.
 Who’s there?
 Cereal.
 Cereal who?
 Cereal pleasure to meet you!

– Knock knock.
 Who’s there?
 Ice cream.
 Ice cream who?
 Ice cream every time I see a spider!

– Knock knock.
 Who’s there?
 Robin.
 Robin who?
 Robin you—now hand over the snacks!

– Knock knock.
 Who’s there?
 Orange.
 Orange who?
 Orange you glad we’re almost done with knock-knock jokes?

– Knock knock.
 Who’s there?
 Who.
 Who who?
 Is there an owl in here?

– Knock knock.
 Who’s there?
 Broken pencil.
 Broken pencil who?
 Never mind, it’s pointless.

– Knock knock.
 Who’s there?
 Butter.
 Butter who?
 Butter let me in before I melt!

– Knock knock.
 Who’s there?
 Nobel.
 Nobel who?
 No bell—that’s why I’m knocking!

– Knock knock.
 Who’s there?
 Hawaii.
 Hawaii who?
 I’m good. Hawaii you?

– Knock knock.
 Who’s there?
 Bee.
 Bee who?
 Bee-ware, I’ve got more jokes coming!

– Knock knock.
 Who’s there?
 Snow.
 Snow who?
 Snow use, I forgot the punchline.

– Knock knock.
 Who’s there?
 Dishes.
 Dishes who?
 Dishes the police—open up!

– Knock knock.
 Who’s there?
 Howard.
 Howard who?
 Howard you like another joke?

– Knock knock.
 Who’s there?
 Leaf.
 Leaf who?
 Leaf me alone, I’m punning!

– Knock knock.
 Who’s there?
 Wanda.
 Wanda who?
 Wanda hang out and tell more jokes?

Clever Very Funny Jokes That Actually Make You Think

These aren’t just chuckle-worthy—they’re brain-ticklers. The punchlines are smart, unexpected, and sneak up on you with just the right twist.

– I told my friend 10 puns hoping one would land. No pun in ten did.

– I bought a thesaurus and it was terrible. Not only was it terrible, it was terrible.

– If I had a dollar for every time I got distracted… I wish I had a puppy.

– I used to think I was indecisive… but now I’m not sure.

– Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

– I started a company selling land mines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.

– I tried to grab the fog, but I mist.

– I named my dog “Five Miles” so I could say I walk Five Miles every day.

– Claustrophobic people are more down to earth.

– I asked the librarian if the library had books on paranoia. She whispered, “They’re right behind you.”

– I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.

– A plateau is the highest form of flattery.

– I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

– I started a band called “1023MB.” We haven’t gotten a gig yet.

– I told my Wi-Fi we needed space, and now it’s acting distant.

– If we’re not supposed to eat midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?

– Parallel lines have so much in common… it’s a shame they’ll never meet.

– I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forgot how it goes.

– I’m reading a book on reverse psychology. Don’t bother trying to stop me.

– I failed math so many times, I can’t even count.

– I had a pun about carpentry, but it was too plane.

– I once told a joke about a pencil… but it had no point.

– I quit my job at the helium gas factory. I refused to be spoken to in that tone.

Very Funny Jokes for Kids That Are Totally Safe and Silly

These jokes are clean, goofy, and perfectly safe for all ages. Whether it’s recess giggles or bedtime chuckles, these kid-friendly zingers do the trick.

– Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert? Because he was stuffed.

– What kind of tree fits in your hand? A palm tree.

– What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

– Why did the student eat his homework? The teacher said it was a piece of cake.

– What do you call a pig that knows karate? A pork chop.

– Why did the banana go to the hospital? It wasn’t peeling well.

– What do elves learn in school? The elf-abet.

– Why did the frog take the bus to work? His car got toad.

– What did the duck say when it bought lipstick? “Put it on my bill.”

– Why did the cookie go to the nurse? Because it felt crummy.

– What’s a cat’s favorite color? Purr-ple.

– What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh.

– Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.

– What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite.

– Why don’t you give Elsa a balloon? Because she’ll let it go.

– Why did the cow win an award? Because she was outstanding in her field.

– What kind of key opens a banana? A mon-key!

– Why did the skeleton go to the party alone? He had no body to go with.

– How do you make a lemon drop? Just let it fall.

– What’s a ghost’s favorite fruit? Boo-berries.

– How do you organize a party in space? You planet.

– What game do little cows like to play? Moosical chairs.

– What do you call a bear that’s stuck in the rain? A drizzly bear.

Witty Very Funny Jokes for Mature Audiences

These jokes go beyond groaners. They’re sharp, subtly layered, and perfect for folks who appreciate humor that’s just a little more grown-up.

– I told my date I had a “type.” Turns out, they had blood.

– My therapist said I have trouble letting go. I said, “You’re fired.”

– I once asked my wine glass if I was okay. It said, “Depends how many of me you see.”

– I’m not saying my job is pointless, but even my out-of-office replies go unnoticed.

– I tried to make a pun about philosophers, but it was Nietzsche’s business.

– I went to a dinner party where people talked about stocks. I just wanted to know where the breadsticks were.

– I finally got around to reading that procrastination book. It’s still unopened.

– My social life is like a software update—always pending.

– I’m not sarcastic, I’m just intelligently disappointed.

– I signed up for a meditation retreat, but I forgot to show up mentally.

– They say money can’t buy happiness… but it can buy espresso, and that’s close enough.

– I told my boss I need a mental health day. They said, “You’ve been working here?”

– My Wi-Fi went down, so I had to talk to my family. Turns out they’re nice.

– I named my anxiety “Karen” so I could ask to speak to the manager.

– I make plans like I make salads—I throw things together and never eat them.

– I don’t rise and shine. I caffeinate and hope.

– I thought I hit rock bottom, but then I got a notification from my bank app.

– I told my smart speaker a joke. She said, “I’m not programmed for awkward silence.“

– I wanted to make a joke about middle age, but I forgot the punchline halfway through.

– I’m not ignoring you. I’m just on airplane mode.

– I told myself I wouldn’t eat late anymore. Then myself said, “Treat yourself.”

– I tried being emotionally available, but the signal dropped.

– I’m not antisocial—I just find silence very intelligent.

Classic Very Funny Jokes That Never Go Out of Style

These jokes have been making people laugh for decades—and for good reason. Simple, universal, and endlessly re-tellable.

– Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.

– I used to play piano by ear… now I use my hands.

– What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino? Elephino!

– Why did the chicken join a band? Because it had the drumsticks.

– What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

– Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.

– Why do seagulls fly over the ocean? Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.

– I would tell you a roof joke… but it’s over your head.

– I asked my dog what’s two minus two. He said nothing.

– How do you catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut.

– I was wondering why the ball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

– Why do bicycles fall over? Because they’re two-tired.

– What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work? A can’t opener.

– What do you call two birds in love? Tweethearts.

– What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick.

– Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.

– Why don’t oysters donate to charity? Because they’re shellfish.

– I used to be afraid of hurdles… but I got over it.

– What did one snowman say to the other? “Do you smell carrots?”

– Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use a honeycomb.

– What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!

– I would tell you a chemistry joke… but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.

– What happens when frogs park illegally? They get toad.

Very Funny Jokes That Will Crack You Up On the Spot

These jokes waste no time—they’re instant mood-lifters that hit just right whether you’re stuck in traffic, at work, or on a snack break.

– I tried to take a selfie with my coffee… it was too latte.

– I accidentally wore a red shirt to Target. I’ve been working here for three hours.

– I told my dog a joke… he paws-ed for laughter.

– I opened a bakery that only sells bagels. Business is on a roll.

– I got into a fight with my GPS. We’re no longer on the same page.

– I started a puzzle and lost a piece. Now I’m just falling apart.

– I thought about cleaning the house, but then I remembered… I don’t want to.

– I once dated a baker. Every conversation was full of flour-y language.

– I asked Siri if I was funny. She said, “Define funny.”

– My smart fridge gave me the silent treatment. I guess things are getting cold between us.

– I brought a ladder to the bar. People said I was just raising the bar.

– I named my new phone “Titanic” because it’s always sinking.

– I told my blender I was leaving. It just kept spinning.

– I gave my plants motivational speeches… now they’re growing on me.

– I spilled glitter in the kitchen. Now it’s a sparkling disaster.

– I tried yoga. It’s a great way to stretch your body and your dignity.

– My bank account and I are no longer on speaking terms.

– I have a pen that only writes jokes. It’s a real pun-point pen.

– I burned my mouth on hot coffee. Now my tongue is on sick leave.

– I waved at someone who wasn’t waving at me. Now I’m in emotional rehab.

– I thought I saw a ghost… turned out it was just my laundry pile.

– I tripped over nothing. Again. I’m blaming gravity.

– I lost my to-do list. Guess I’m off the hook for everything.

Short Very Funny Jokes for Fast Laughs

Quick, clean, and straight to the funny—these short jokes are perfect for texts, tweets, or when you only have a second to make someone smile.

– I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode.

– My pillow and I are in a committed relationship.

– I told a joke in space. It went over everyone’s head.

– Fries before guys.

– I spilled tea on my laptop. Now it’s brewing ideas.

– I used to be cool… now I just ache randomly.

– I googled my symptoms. Turns out I’m just tired and poor.

– I’m fluent in eye-roll.

– Life’s too short to be serious all the time.

– I tried cooking once. Now I just reheat.

– I wear black because it’s slimming and forgiving.

– My plants are my only fans.

– I followed my heart—it led me to the fridge.

– My playlist knows my mood better than I do.

– I texted “I’m fine” while actively not being fine.

– I diet like I budget: badly.

– I told my cat a joke. She walked away in judgment.

– I shop online so I can avoid talking to people.

– I laughed so hard, I scared my neighbor’s dog.

– I believe in naps, snacks, and second chances.

– I asked my brain to focus. It said, “On what?”

– I forgot what I was doing. So I’ll just start over tomorrow.

– My favorite sport is watching food delivery ETAs.

Very Funny Jokes That Are Sure to Amuse Everyone

These jokes are universal—clean, clever, and impossible not to enjoy. Great for sharing with coworkers, family, friends, or even total strangers.

– Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Because they’re a bit shellfish.

– I started a bakery in space. It’s a great idea, but there’s no atmosphere.

– I told my shoes we were going for a walk. They were sole-ful about it.

– I named my plant “Kevin.” He’s growing on me.

– Why do bees have sticky hair? They use a honeycomb.

– My dog joined a choir. He’s a barkitone.

– I tried to write a novel in a day, but my plot ran away.

– I asked my coffee how it was doing. It said, “Strong and bitter.”

– I bought a chameleon. He just sits there. Guess he’s blending in.

– I opened a bakery that only sells muffins. People say I’m one smart crumb.

– My lamp and I had an argument. It said, “You light up my life but never change.”

– I have a calendar addiction. My therapist says my days are numbered.

– I spilled coffee on my resume. Now I have experience in grounds management.

– I got locked in a toy store overnight. It was a Lego of fun.

– I bought a new thesaurus but it was terrible, awful, dreadful.

– I once tried to learn Morse code, but I just kept saying beep.

– I asked the mirror who’s the funniest of them all. It cracked under pressure.

– I taught my dog to fetch snacks. Now he’s a real treat.

– I was going to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.

– I signed up for a laughter course. It’s a joke-a-day commitment.

– I added my treadmill to the witness protection program. It’s been hiding under clothes ever since.

– I told a joke about pizza. But it was too cheesy.

– My car and I have a strong relationship. We’re both good at breaking down.

Clean Very Funny Jokes for Family Gatherings

No awkward punchlines here—just lighthearted, lovable jokes that grandma, grandkids, and even your awkward cousin can laugh at together.

– Why did the orange stop halfway up the hill? It ran out of juice.

– What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

– Why did the kid bring a ladder to school? To go to high school.

– What do you call a group of musical whales? An orchestra.

– Why don’t fish play basketball? They’re afraid of the net.

– Why did the banana go to school? Because it wanted to be a smart peel.

– How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it.

– What’s a sheep’s favorite game? Baa-dminton.

– What do you call a dog that can do magic? A labra-cadabra-dor.

– Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.

– What do you call a pile of cats? A meow-tain.

– What did the left eye say to the right eye? “Between you and me, something smells.”

– Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.

– Why don’t teddy bears ever eat dessert? Because they’re always stuffed.

– What did the grape do when it got stepped on? It let out a little whine.

– Why don’t you give Elsa a balloon? Because she’ll let it go.

– What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick.

– What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.

– What do you call cheese that’s not yours? Nacho cheese.

– What did one wall say to the other? “I’ll meet you at the corner.”

– Why did the computer go to the doctor? Because it had a virus.

– What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? You’d think it’s R, but his heart belongs to the C.

– Why do ducks make great detectives? Because they quack the case.

One-Liner Very Funny Jokes That Always Hit

These one-liners are short, punchy, and practically guaranteed to get a laugh, whether you’re texting a friend or trying to win the room.

– I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high—she looked surprised.

– I’m great at multitasking—I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

– I told a joke about elevators—it was an uplifting experience.

– I once got into a fight with my alarm clock—it’s a real time sucker.

– I used to be indecisive… now I’m not sure.

– I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.

– I’m not lazy—I just rest before I get tired.

– I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.

– I named my dog “Five Miles” so I could say I walk Five Miles a day.

– I invented a new word—plagiarism.

– My printer and I are not on speaking terms. It jammed again.

– I tried to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.

– I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

– My phone battery lasts longer than my motivation.

– I tried cooking for the first time. Now my smoke alarm has PTSD.

– I clean faster when I’m angry.

– I once asked my dog what the weather was—he said it was ruff.

– I bought a belt made of watches—it was a waste of time.

– I don’t play soccer. I just kick responsibilities down the road.

– My job is secure. No one else wants it.

– I called in sick… but my boss saw me in line at Taco Bell.

– I joined a procrastination group. We haven’t met yet.

– I told Siri a joke—she called me an amateur.

Side-Splitting Very Funny Jokes for Parties

These jokes are loud-laugh certified—perfect for breaking the ice, owning the group chat, or stealing the spotlight at any social event.

– I brought a ladder to the bar… because I heard the drinks were on the house.

– I accidentally danced with a mop at a party. Still my cleanest move.

– I opened a salsa company at the party. It was a real chip magnet.

– My joke was so bad, even the crickets sent a cease-and-desist.

– I started a band with my buddies. We call ourselves “No Cover.” Nobody shows up.

– I asked the punchline if it wanted to dance—it said, “Only if I get the last word.”

– I took a selfie at the party. My phone suggested therapy.

– Someone spiked the guacamole—now the chips are acting extra.

– I brought my karaoke voice to the party… everyone else brought earplugs.

– The snacks disappeared so fast, even Houdini said, “Impressive.”

– My outfit at the party? Part fashion, part cry for help.

– The DJ asked for requests—I asked for life direction.

– I dropped a joke and a drink. Only one of them landed well.

– I once danced so hard at a party, I pulled a social muscle.

– My conversation starters at parties are exit signs.

– I hosted a party and forgot to invite people. It was a me-time rave.

– Someone complimented my humor. Turns out they were talking to someone else.

– I brought a flashlight to the party—just in case things got too lit.

– The chips were salty. Just like me in group photos.

– I accidentally roasted someone at the party. Then served dessert.

– I gave a toast so good, even the bread was impressed.

– The cake was moist. My jokes? Even moister.

– I wore pajamas to the costume party. I came as someone who gave up.

Unique Very Funny Jokes for Every Occasion and Mood

Whether you’re feeling silly, sarcastic, dramatic, or just plain tired, these one-of-a-kind jokes will match your energy and make it better.

– I told my plants I was leaving for vacation. They’ve been giving me the silent treatment ever since.

– I tried to throw a surprise party for myself… but I peeked.

– I told my to-do list I needed space. It said, “Too bad, we live together.”

– My alarm clock and I are in a toxic relationship.

– I started taking naps as a coping mechanism.

– I made a playlist called “Productivity.” It’s just 3 hours of lofi and lies.

– I wear socks to bed now—because my feet are emotionally cold.

– I told a joke in the mirror. It reflected poorly on me.

– I didn’t wake up on the wrong side of the bed—I rolled there intentionally.

– I laughed so hard I snorted… and now I’m socially haunted.

– I brought a donut to therapy. It was a hole-hearted gesture.

– I told my mood, “You don’t control me.” It replied, “Watch me.”

– I smiled in public once. People asked if I was okay.

– I started journaling. Day 1: “Still confused.”

– I joined a book club. We meet to stare at books and eat snacks.

– I once tried to meditate, but my brain started heckling me.

– I named my bills “dream crushers.” Feels more accurate.

– I bought a scented candle called “Motivation.” It burned out in 5 minutes.

– I blinked twice and somehow it’s December.

– I told my reflection we’re in this together. It laughed.

– I opened a cookie and it said “Try again.”

– My brain during the day: “Sleep.” My brain at night: “Let’s overthink.”

– I survived the group project by becoming the group ghost.

Read: Ball Puns
Read: Ramen Puns
Read: Moose Puns
Read: Witch Puns

These very funny jokes are perfect for adding a quick laugh to your day. From puns and one-liners to silly setups and smart punchlines, there’s something here for every kind of smile.

Zack Hart

Hey there! I’m Zack Hart, the pun-dedicated brain behind PunParade.
Based in Alaska, I built this site for everyone who believes a well-placed pun can brighten a dull day.
Whether you’re into clever wordplay or cringe-worthy dad jokes, you’ll find your fix here. We’re all about bringing the world closer — one pun at a time.